Move over Hard Place, Rock is poking me in the back

The last few days have been pure hell with the competition in my house. Amber seems to get the worst of it since she has it coming from an older sibling and a younger sibling. Kelsey has always wanted what Amber has, attention from both parents, parents in the same town, long blond hair, more friends, etc. Kelsey struggles with friendships, and honestly I think it is because she probably doesn't come across friendly all the time. She can be quite bossy and has been since I met her at age five. Justin has a huge jealousy towards Amber because she is a girl and girls like to play together more than they like to play with their little brothers. It is all about Kelsey for him. He loves his biological sister very much, his stepsister, not so much. He picks at her, pokes at her, and pushes every button the poor girl has until she screams at him to shut-up.

It is hard as a mother to handle this because my first instinct is to protect my young, my Amber. Then I look at the other kids and I am at most times the only parent they have around them. Their mom is not in their lives like she should be and I am it. It is me. Their daddy has been working so much that everything is pretty much on my shoulders. The meals, the baths, the homework, the soccer practices and games, bedtime, wake time, school open house, conferences, etc.

My most recent dilemma is the comparison between what I do for Amber and what I do for Kelsey. Last school year I was the room parent for Amber's class. At the end of the school year Kelsey asked me to be the room parent for her class this year. The way the teachers do it is pretty simple, you fill out a form with your availabilities and then they let you know if you are "The One." I decided that I would fill out the form for Kelsey's class and volunteer, but it was pretty much killing me to not participate in Amber's class so I filled out forms for both of them. Well, Kelsey's teacher this year picked someone, before the forms went out. Now, I don't know if this mother asked maybe on the orientation day or if the teacher asked her....But, Kelsey was pissed. She was even more upset when Amber's teacher chose me to co-parent her class with another mom. She let me know it wasn't fair. I do everything for Amber and nothing for her.

NOTHING???

Boy, that hit a nerve in me that hasn't been hit in a long time. I do nothing for her? She also let me know that "I know you gave birth to her, and all, but it still isn't right." What isn't right. What gives a child the right to tell a parent that they are doing too much for someone. I get really angered by this. It is basically like I have to limit the things I want to do for my own daughter just to please another child. That is what my problem was about parenting her class, but not Amber's class. Amber has one mommy, ME. Kelsey has two mothers. She gets an abundance of alone/quality time from me every time Amber leaves me to spend time with her father. Amber is NEVER home without Kelsey and Justin being here. She never gets time with just me or me and Wesley. I feel that Amber and I are missing out on our relationship because I have to limit the things I do with her.

At bedtime Kelsey watches every move I make with Amber while I tuck her into the bed. Then, she will ask me why I didn't do something for her. It is very frustrating. Sometimes I just want to say "Because I didn't feel like it." I never do because that would be hurtful, but I do think it sometimes.

This weekend when the kids are away, I will get to buy the stuff for Amber's birthday party goody bags. I know that Kelsey will analyze each and every treat in the thing when she receives one and then ask about hers coming up in February. I feel like it is sad that I have to grab on to such a thing to make special for her. Her birthday is the only time of year that I get to do something special just for her without getting questions about my actions.