Sweet Child of Mine

Two years ago today.... The little sperm met the egg. We had decided we wanted to have a baby so we did. That is pretty much how it went.

I was on the pill, I had been dying to have another child since Amber was born and Tony was completely freaked out. We went off the pill and got pregnant immediately. I do give most of the applause to Taking Charge of Your Fertility. That book is definitely a good read if you want to have a baby. I am a little unsure about the prevention part, but the conception part is for real.

Between the temperature taking and the checking of the cervix I was pooped by the end of my first cycle and completely happy to have made it happen the first time around. I am not real big on the idea of sex on demand. I like for things to be more natural than that. I didn't really care for the idea of saying, "Hey honey, we gotta do it again tonight for the 9th night in a row, just in case. As soon as my temperature is up for 3 days we can take a break."

The pregnancy this time around was more difficult, I was more tired, had major food aversions in the beginning, some nausea and awful backaches from about 20 weeks. But, there is absolutely nothing better than feeling that baby move from the inside. Knowing that you don't have to share them yet. They are all yours. I have felt completely in sync with Wesley from the moment I met him at 10 weeks gestation. I had an ultrasound and there was his big head and little body. He wasn't moving, I guess we were boring. Of course at that point I knew he was going to be a girl. I was going to have another girl. Amber had to have a little sister. She didn't want a little brother because the one she already had gets on her nerves and is mean to her.

Well, the 20 week ultrasound told a whole other story, boy oh boy was he a boy. He let us see it all. He gets that from his Daddy because his Mommy is much more modest. We invited our moms to the ultrasound and considering that they had never seen one "live" they were in awe. They didn't know we were going to reveal the sex of the baby so they had a nice surprise. I could actually tell what the baby was before she told us and I had a bit of a heart sinking feeling going on. I had the perfect name picked out and had gotten approval from Tony, Chloe Renee. She was going to be so cute with light brown hair and brown eyes. She was going to be athletic like her Daddy and limber like her Mommy. She would play soccer like her aunt and sister and do gymnastics like her other sister.

My husband on the other hand, knew the baby was a boy, actually hoped the baby was a boy. He wanted to even out the teams in the house. Another girl would throw the whole equation off balance. He was ecstatic about the news and I thought he might even hug the ultrasound technician, but he contained himself.

It didn't take me too long to get used to the idea of having a boy. Amber was devastated. She actually cried about the news. I explained to her that her baby brother would love her like no other brother in the world. She cheered up and got over it.

Late in my pregnancy they decided to do another ultrasound. Amber was a 10 pound baby and they wanted to make sure I didn't pass my due date if he was just as large as she had been. Well, he was just as large and then some (38 weeks u/s weight 10 lb 10 oz), plus he was breech. C-section, here we come.

The only part of the C-section I was upset about was the entire thing. I am a bit paranoid for some reason that I will die unexpectedly and not be around to raise my children and watch my grandchildren be married. Yes, I want to live to be very old. I don't want to miss a thing.

My surgery was scheduled for 5 days later and I was excited, but worried. I know several women have the procedure, but what if something went wrong? Nothing went wrong with my surgery, in fact I felt pretty good afterwards once I got passed the nausea from my morphine.

But, my sweet boy was suffering from TTN and had to spend some time in the NICU. Boy did he look funny in there with his big 10 lb 14 oz body next to those 3 lb babies. The nurses were sore when they left a shift after taking care of him. I was allowed to stay in the hospital for two additional nights for free, but then I had to go home and leave him.

I have never done anything so heartbreaking in my life. I can still see the look on his face when I was leaving him in that little bassinet. I felt like I was in a tunnel. The outside world was moving, but I was in a different place. I never, ever thought I would have to leave him for one second, much less over night and 30 minutes away. I sobbed, changed my mind 10 times thinking I could sleep on the couch in the waiting room. Tony said for me to basically get my butt in the car because the baby will be sleeping anyway. He packed up all of my stuff and pushed me out the door of the hospital. I came home, saw my dogs (who thought I looked strange being smaller in the tummy area), took a shower and then called the hospital. I went to sleep and 3 hours later I woke up, pumped and I called the hospital. I went back to sleep, slept for 3 hours and then woke up, pumped and called the hospital. Then we left and went back to the hospital. By the time I got there he was ready to eat and I was ready to feed him. My milk had finally come in.

He was finally released from the hospital on May 5. If he had been born on his due date this would have been the day we would have gone home. I guess he didn't want to be born a week early.

My son is the most precious, sweet, snuggly boy I have ever had the pleasuring of seeing in my life. He is a true blessing. I am so completely in love with him and look forward to every morning that he wakes me up and I see him smiling at me behind his binky.